Who in the world ever suggests that? Who would want that? Fights are exhausting. It takes time to recover your balance. It feeds emotional separation. It rarely results in a lasting solution. Yet how often are you fighting with your beloved?
Or, on the other extreme, how often do you avoid an issue, trying to escape the conflict? Only to have it blow up anyway…
Every time there is a fight and the issue is unresolved (you may shelve it from exhaustion but it is not resolved) the emotional distance in the relationship increases. Every time words are said in anger or you lie to prevent a conversation about an issue, a brick is added to the wall between you.
Jim and I had the same fight for seven years before we found the help we needed. Some couples indulge in the same fight for many more years than we did, (although we might have gone on much longer if we didn’t get help…or call it quits.)
The first time I say this to clients they nearly gag: “Conflict is the doorway to greater intimacy.”
Are you saying, “Not hardly!” or “You’ve got to be kidding!” or “Sounds like some kind of psycho-babble to me!”
Yet when Jim and I used better communication and anger management skills we grew emotionally closer and closer…and finally, motivated by that closeness, we agreed on a resolution to our issue. It was never an issue again.
I have found that the part of couple’s coaching that I enjoy the most is helping them resolve conflicts. I love witnessing the magic of love reignited, trust rebuilt, and hope re-infusing the relationship with confidence that, with better skills, they really can resolve anything.
If you are discouraged by recycling the same old fights…if you long to feel the love for each other that you had in the beginning…if your deepest desire is to find a solution to that ugly issue that keeps diverting your attention…call me.
Let’s start with one complimentary consultation…it’s on me. Book a time on my calendar that is convenient for both of you. I’ll have a couple requests that you can complete ahead of time in 15 minutes. Then we’ll talk. Bring your biggest issue to the table. I’ll do my best to help you navigate through it to either resolve it on the spot, or make significant progress. Don’t allow even one more fight to rob you of the joy of your love!
I know it’s hard to bare the warts of your relationship to anyone, but what if this is the first step toward ridding yourself of the warts?
PS: Make the appointment today. You both deserve to be happy. I will show you the path to help you get there!